Remember Me
by Ohyesidid
Summary: It has been one year to the day since Deeks went missing. I know I shouldn't have said it but I couldn't stop myself 'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.' The biggest regret of my life since I said those words and now we can't find him.
1. Just A Cop

Hello all I just thought this up and am trying to avoid doing anything I really need to get done and as I had this idea I thought I would give it a go. Let me know what you think about it and I most likely not be sticking to any story line form the show.

Once again I do not own NCIS LA or the awesome characters.

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'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

I can't believe I said that to Deeks and with such venom in my voice to, like I really thought it was true. It's not true in anyway once so ever and yet I yelled it at him as I pushed past him toward the gym.

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

Anyone else would have left me alone and run away but he didn't and that really amazed me. I yelled some mean things at him, things I would only yell at the worst bad guys I had ever come across. I could see I was cutting deep but I didn't care and I didn't stop.

We just had a big case that week it was the kind of case that pushed you to your limits and makes you question who you are.

G and I had got in a fire fight with two suspects after they kidnapped a little girl to use as a shield in their getaway. We had managed to get their early enough to see them put the scared little girl in the van before they went back for the guns.

G sent in Deeks and Kensi to get the girl as we kept the bad guys busy and it almost worked too. Deeks managed to get the little girl out of the van and to safety as Kensi covered him. But these guys had some big guns and a lot of bullets that weren't afraid to use.

I didn't see one of the guys come around and behind Callen catching us both by surprise. G was shot in the arm and that guy is now very dead.

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

I went with Callen to the hospital to make sure he actually got treatment while Kensi stayed to take care of the scene. Deeks brought the little girl to the hospital to get checked out because she wouldn't let anyone else near her.

I remember sitting in the waiting room when I saw Deeks and the girl go by to the room next to where I was. Standing up I went to stand by the door to look in to see Deeks talking to the girl trying to keep her calm.

Telling her what was going to happen and holding her hand as he looked up and gave me a nod before turning back to the girl who looked scared to death he was going to leave her.

We spent the next three days going over what we knew to find the rest of the guns; we had almost finished wrapping up the case when it all went downhill. One of my contacts I have known a long time had been killed by these guys.

They killed him, his wife and kids and I couldn't help but think we saved one girl just to lose an entire family. Why didn't we see this coming? Why couldn't we stop this?

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

I was close to losing it and as G wasn't at the office at the moment and I needed to blow off steam. After five years on the same team you would think I would see what he was trying to do. It is the same thing I would have done for him and Callen and Kensi too.

But I was lost in my own world something I hadn't done in a long time and I can say I am still not proud of how far down I went.

"Sam?"

"Not now Deeks." I was hoping he would leave me alone but I should have known better after five years.

"Yes now, you can't do this Sam."

I stop and give him a glare that has broken foreign spies and dirty Generals but I don't even faze him. He meets me eye to eye, standing straight and I can tell he is going to say what he feels he needs to. I already have G doing this I don't need it from him too.

Crossing my arms over my chest I wait for him to turn and run like anyone else would do but he just keeps on talking.

"I sorry your friend died Sam I really am but you can't keep thinking it was your fault because it wasn't. In our line of work people die no matter how hard we try and stop it, sometimes it is people we know. We did everything we could we just weren't fast enough."

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

When I don't say anything he continues thinking I am at least listening to him. "I have lost people too as have both Kensi and Callen but you have to move beyond. We are here for you man and I just want you to know that and to not blame yourself."

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

The words were out of my mouth before my head could stop me and I couldn't stop because that was exactly what I had been doing. I guess I didn't like him pointing it out or seeing that I was coming apart, and he could see it easily too.

"I don't blame myself Deeks I did everything I could I worked day and night to find the criminals and that is more than I could say about some people."

I could tell he got what I was implying pretty fast but didn't move to let me pass. "Sam we all work ourselves to the ground to solve this case."

"No Deeks not all of us, no some of us had other things to do."

He went white when I said that and I started to feel guilty at what I had said. It wasn't true but I didn't want anyone near me or trying to make me see the truth so I took it out on him.

"You weren't, when we were working you were joking around and leaving to go do other things. Is that why you haven't become an agent yet because you don't want to do the work? Five years is a long time to be with a team and not want to commit."

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

He hasn't move at all as he stares me in the eye, "I did everything to help on this case but just because something came up with the LAPD doesn't mean I just left or stopped working on the case. I went and did what they wanted quickly and came straight back."

I know he did and I don't know why I am saying this but I can't seem to stop myself and Deeks is my only possible target right now.

I know I need to stop but I can't and I say the one thing I will regret the rest of my life. The one thing I wish had never crossed my mind and ripped apart my team, putting us at odds and separating us.

"You are just a cop Deeks nothing more."

I said it with such venom and hate I almost collapsed against the wall myself like Deeks looked like he wanted to do. I didn't mean it and I never should have said it but it was too late. Deeks is a great cop and would make a fantastic agent had he ever joined.

I never thought to ask him why he didn't and now my stupidity cost me my family in one instant. And a great cop became lost to the world without a word to anyone.

He didn't say a word as he turned around and walked away past Callen and Kensi who I was just now noticing standing behind him. They both had shocked expressions on their face that made me see what I had really just said.

Kensi is the first to move to find Deeks while Callen and I stand and stare at each other for several long moments not moving. "You know that is not true Sam."

"I know." I feel like a horrible person and I want to apologize to Deeks right away but can't make myself move. Rubbing my hand up and down my face I lean back against the wall. "I don't know where it came from, really Callen it just came out."

Callen is about to respond when Kensi comes back in to tell us Deeks left, well she tells Callen while glaring at me. Before leaving to go after him, man I feel really bad now and I need to get out of here too before I say anything else stupid.

Callen just walks away and as I follow him I see him grab our bags before leading me out the door to his car. He drives me home in silence and I can tell he is mad at me a completely silent G is a bad thing.

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

We sit in my driveway for what feels like forever as we gather our thoughts for our impending conversation. I feel angry and guilty and sad all at the same time, and I have no idea what to do with these emotions.

"You need to talk to him Sam, we have been a team for five years. He was doing the same exact thing I would have done and that you would have done for any of us."

We don't look at each other at all, staring straight ahead I watch as it begins to rain very heavily. Something that is rare for LA, "I will as soon as I see him again."

With that I get out of the car and run inside my place to get out of the down pour. I watch as Callen drives away before going into my apartment and standing in the middle of the hallway feeling very lost.

It rained for most of the night and I was finally able to fall asleep when it stopped around 3 in the morning. But by the time I got to work it had started to drizzle which I think is worse than rain. I am the last one in which is very rare.

Both Callen and Kensi look tense and keep glancing over to Deeks desk. Which is when I realize he isn't here yet, something not uncommon for him but weird with the way Callen and Kensi are being.

"What's up guys?"

"Deeks never went home yesterday and we can't get a hold of him." Callen informs me as Kensi leans back in her seat.

"It's not odd thing for him to do, he probably crashed at a friend's place and will make his way in soon. He is almost always the last one in and he most likely over slept or something." It's logical and they both relax once they think about it.

We get to work but Deeks never comes in, it started to really rain around lunch when we decided to go check his apartment again when he doesn't answer the multiple phone calls from the three of us, Hetty, Eric and Nell.

His place is empty expect for Monty who looks hungry, Deeks cell phone and wallet are nowhere to be found. The GPS on his phone was turned off and his car gone, I admit I thought maybe he had run off before I throw the thought out of my mind.

Marty Deeks doesn't run from anything. We spend weeks looking for him and months tracking down leads with LAPD and we find nothing. He disappeared of the face of the earth and we couldn't find any trace of him.

It took six months for the crack to show in what was left of the team. Kensi blamed me and after a while couldn't work with me anymore, not that she didn't try. She stopped really talking to me and would only talk about work and our cases.

Callen was angry with me which was causing us to get into fight after fight, we weren't working well together anymore. It got to the point that he was partnering with Kensi and I would take the new guy that Hetty had to replace Deeks with.

After eight months the case was put on the back burner which just made everything worse. Eric and Nell weren't as happy as they were before and never joke or laughed with anyone. Kensi would shot me with long hard glares after that.

I know they blamed me when Deeks went missing after all it was my fault and I know it. If I hadn't said anything to him and kept my mouth shut maybe he wouldn't have stormed out and nothing would have happened to him.

We still hadn't found his car or found a trace on his cell phone and no one ever went to his house. I ended up taking Monty to live with me when Kensi couldn't bring herself to do it. Not when it meant taking time away from looking for Deeks.

After ten months the team was no more, Hetty felt that we were not being effective and all the tension and problems was effecting us to much to continue working together. That with Deeks disappearance the team had changed and the issues were not being dealt with and that was a problem.

When no one said anything or argued that we were fine, and that we were working together fine. That everything was being taken care of, I knew it was true. We had stopped being a team after Deeks disappeared and what I said to him.

We were no longer a team and after looking non-stop for any clue, knocking on every door for months it was taking a toll. We constantly checked on his apartment and were in constant contact with the LAPD, it was a very intense search.

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

I can't believe it came to this and yet I saw it coming a mile away. G and I have been partners for a decade and Kensi had been with us for almost as long. We were a great team and nobody could compete with us.

Especially after Deeks joined us almost six years ago, with him we became even better with his skills. That were just different enough to bring us to a whole new level and everyone knew we had this magic between us.

And now it was over just like that all because of me and my emotions. I let my team down and now one of our own was out there and we couldn't find him.

I could tell it killed Hetty to do it but she split us up sending Kensi to another team. I hear she is doing well and that she is still looking for Deeks, we all are and we will never stop until we find him.

Callen left NCIS after that, and I lost track of him soon after that. If he doesn't want to be found than that's what he does he become invisible. If he hadn't been calling Hetty every couple of weeks I would have started to look for him too.

But I know he doesn't want to be found and certainly not by me.

I transferred to a military base to teach new recruits. I didn't want to go back to the Seals in case someone heard anything about Deeks. Hetty promised to keep us in the loop on anything that was found which wasn't much.

It has now been a whole year to the day Deeks disappeared and it still kills me every day. I want to know where he is and what he has been doing, if he is alive and what happened? He was a great cop, so have him just be gone is hard to accept.

I haven't spoken to Callen or Kensi in several months or Eric for that matter. Just Hetty and Nell will call me to check every month. I miss them and Deeks, I can't look myself in the mirror without getting angry at what I did.

I watch the new recruits take another lap around the track; this is not where I thought I would be.

One year to the day that Deeks went missing is a long time. Hetty called last week wanting all of us to get together today to honor Deeks and go over what we each have found. I told her yes but in reality I don't know if it is a good idea.

We did not part on the happiest terms; we kind of just grabbed our things and walked away. My second biggest regret in all of my life and I am the cause of both of them. I wish I could go back and stop myself but I know I can't.

I hope we find him I really do he is someone the world would cry for. I am extra hard on the new guys that day as I try to chase away my ghosts. I am leaving for Hettys house when I stop at my door and am shocked to see it raining hard.

Just like last year when Deeks went missing, it was raining hard then too. Staring at it for several minutes I admire the beauty of rain and I can admit to myself that this whole thing is starting to get to me and wear me down.

I never show it in public no I am strong and certain on the outside but on the inside I have seen better days. I am tired and alone in my world. I make my way to my car looking at the paper I placed in the passenger seat.

Everything I had found out it was not much. Making my way to Hetty's I become lost in thought as I drive slowly. As I arrive I see I am the last to show up and feel like the odd man out and if Hetty hadn't asked me here I might not have come.

It's been almost three months since I have seen any of them and I find that I am nervous.

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

Maybe this year will be different, all I really know is we can't go back but maybe we can go forward.

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I don't know what I was thinking with this one now that I am finished. I plan to make this one with multi chapters. I hope you found some sense in it. Peace.


	2. Sitting At The Table

Hello all I want to thank everyone who alerted/fav this story, I was not expecting the response for the first chapter. So thank you I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think.

Once again I do not own NCIS LA or the super awesome characters.

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I sat in my car for a few minutes looking up at Hetty's house and at least it looks like a nice place with lots of windows. She has the curtains open in the living room with the lights nice and bright, and I can see Kensi walk by the window.

Now that I am here I can't help but think this is a bad idea again. I don't know if I can handle seeing the disappointment in their eyes again. Just like I know they still feel, I still think about Deeks and that day all the time. And as I am constantly looking for any clues or sighting it is at the fore front of my mind.

I can remember every word and action; it's that I don't really care to remember. But I do every time I look in the mirror or walk past the beach when I walk Monty. He still misses Deeks, so when I take him on his walk I make sure when hit some of Deeks favorite spots.

Deeks was always going on about surfing and the amazing waves, I would always roll my eyes but I found I didn't really mind. So, after he went missing I started to see what I imagined he saw when he looked at the beach.

As I sit in my car I think about how the team fell apart and why. We were strong as a team, as a unit and it was well known. You would think that Deeks disappearing like that would bring us together, not pull us apart. We had on multiple occasions followed each other to the ends of the earth and yet one LADP cop shows up and somehow he becomes one of us.

We became unbeatable team and I will admit he grew on me after a while. Callen and I along with Kensi came to appreciate his odd sense of humor and his instinct born from working the streets as a cop for years. He saved us more than once and it was something Callen and I didn't have, sure, we had skills and were good in our own areas.

But there was something to be said for a guy who could become a drug dealer or a homeless man when it was called for. The four of us have were the first team anyone thought of when it came to Navel Intelligence. Kensi was his best friend and they were inseparable, so in retrospect I don't know how we fell apart so fast.

How instead of coming together and becoming stronger, we crumbled fast. Like a card tower built on a tilted table and it happened quickly with lots of anger and sadness. Hetty and Nell are the only people I have talked to in the last couple of months. I haven't had a lot of contact with Eric, he didn't seem to inclined to talk to me.

Both Nell and Eric are both at NCIS from what I have been told and I am glad they are. That they were able to continue to work at NCIS and not be haunted by every memory of Deeks and not see him everywhere.

Great now I sound weepy and not the Seal I am and I don't know when I became such a different person. One who can't look himself in the mirror or talk to the people who were once my family. And I know they miss him, just like I do and that I don't know what they feel about me, not sure I want to.

When Hetty finally separated us, I felt relieved and then I felt guilty after that. After everything we had been through I had felt relieved, with how everything had become between us I needed to get away. I am nervous about seeing everyone and I can admit it to myself.

I grab the folder off of the passenger seat and get out if my car, I walk past Callen's car and feel nostalgia as I make my way to Hetty's door. We spent years in that car and I miss the stake outs and brain storms during cases. Callen and I went through a lot and I can say I miss my partner, how it broke so fast is lost on me.

Thinking of Callen makes me think I need to call Detective Spears when I get off tomorrow, he has been my main contact with the LAPD and he was a friend of Deeks. He called after I transferred to see if I knew anything, we have been chasing leads together ever since.

The door swings open before I have a chance to knock and I find myself face to face with Hetty, she looks the same and I find that I missed her. More than I thought, "Ah Mr. Hanna I was wondering when you were going to come to the door."

"Hetty good to see you." I give her a smile but I can tell she know I'm not all there.

"Please come in Mr. Hanna everyone is in the dining room." I make my way into her home; it is very nice and homey.

I see Nell and Eric already sitting at the table heads down over a laptop, quietly talking to each other. They hear me come in and look up, Nell smiles at me and she gets up to give me a hug. I am a little surprised, "Nell, how are you?"

"I am good I guess."

Eric gets up too and comes over standing awkwardly a few feet away, "Sam."

"Eric." I shake his hand but then he pulls me into a hug also. I am surprised but I hug him back too because I can honestly say I missed him.

"I'm glad you came I have been wanting to talk to you but I wasn't sure how to do it." I raise my eyebrow at Eric at that and wait for him to continue. "I know I haven't talked to you since you left but I really wanted too."

I can see he is struggling with what to say and I want to tell him it's okay he doesn't need to say it. But I find I want to hear what he has to say because I have some things to say myself.

"I never blamed you for Deeks going missing or what you said to him, I knew you were running on adrenaline and you were angry at losing your friend. I guess that I just didn't know how to tell you and then next thing I know months had passed and I just didn't know how to bring it up. And then the team was separated and the way everyone left it didn't seem like you wanted to hear from anyone, I felt like you thought I blamed you but I never did."

He stops after that and just looks at me and I look back feeling, well I don't know exactly what I was feeling at the moment. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Kensi by the door but I don't acknowledge her yet, instead focusing on Nell and Eric.

If nothing else comes out of this meeting at least I will have made some headway in fixing my relationship with Nell and Eric. "Yeah Sam, we spent so much time looking for Deeks we didn't see what was happening."

That comes from Nell, she looks so said and lost. I don't know what I was thinking, of course; this affected them as much as the rest of us. "It's okay Nell really and you too Eric, sometimes we spend so much time looking in one direction we don't see anything else."

I pull Nell into a hug and then Eric and I can tell they feel better already and so do I. I can still see Kensi by the door so I give Nell and Eric one last nod before turning my attention to her. She looks good but so looks tired too and sad, really sad.

We stare at each other for a moment before we both move forward, before I can even say anything Kensi is talking.

"Sam, how have you been?" I don't know what to make of that but I give her a very accurate answer. "I have been better, still have tons of guilt and have lost a lot of sleep too." She nods her and looks around before turning back to me.

"I am sorry for the way I acted after Deeks went missing, he was my best friend and my partner. When I heard you yelling those things at him I got so angry and when we couldn't find him I didn't know who else to blame. "

"I know Kensi me too, I blame myself too." We talk for a few more minutes before I start looking around for my former partner. Kensi sees me looking and points toward the kitchen, "In there." I smile at her and more toward the kitchen to look for G.

I found him sitting at the table looking out the window into the backyard, he doesn't turn around, "Hello Sam." He sounds the same as he did the last time I saw him. I know it has been a couple months since I last saw him but it doesn't change anything.

"G." He finally turns his head to look at me, we don't move for a while. I want to say something but I don't know what, what do you say to the man you were partnered with for a decade. I hear Hetty calling everyone to the dining room and G stands up and walks over to me.

Stopping in front of me he seems lost in thought, "Have you ever crossed a line, not done something to save the friendship you spent years building with the one person you considered family. Like you wanted to fix your mistakes but didn't know how to go back and make amends?"

I look him in the eye and think about what he said, it as close to an apology as I would ever get from G Callen. I nod it won't fix everything but it is a start, getting us in the right direction. We make our way into the dining room and I can't help but think about what has happened already.

It would seem like everyone has been thinking about the last couple of months and feels some form of regret. At not working harder toward working together and trying to make things work between us, from what they said nobody blames me as much as they did.

I hope that we will be able to return to some form of friendship, it will never be what it once was but maybe it can be something new. In the Seals I had a lot of friendship tested, when you get back from war things get said and done that you can't take back.

Until we get Deeks back it won't be fixed and probably never will be but we can start new al least. We all sit down ready to get down to business, "Thank you all for coming, I know this team separated on less than ideal terms but that doesn't mean we can't all bring together all of our findings and make progress together to find our lost friend."

Hetty sits after she speaks and we all look at each other. Hetty is about to say something else when I stop her, there is something I need to tell them that I never told anyone before.

"I need to tell everyone something and I don't know how to say it. I didn't think about it before when Deeks first went missing and I am not sure why I didn't think of it before but I feel like I need to say it now."

They are all looking at me and I don't know where to start, "A couple of days before Deeks went missing we were in the gym sparring and it got heated. As we were fighting we got to talking about the case, I told him I didn't need him looking out for me. But he was pretty persistent about it and I told him to leave me alone if I wanted his help I would ask for it."

They are still watching me, "I found him later at that bakery he always went to even after we told him to change his routine." Everyone turns grim at the memory of Deek's getting shot in the chest, "I told him I was sorry and I was angry at myself, he understood but when we left I thought I saw someone watching him."

Callen interrupts me at this point, "Watching him? Are you sure you saw someone watching him?"

I know what they are thinking because I thought it too, Deeks was too good of a cop have someone watching him and he not notice. "I mentioned it to him but he said he hadn't seen anyone and assured me he would keep an eye out just in case. He never said anything else and I didn't think about again until I found this."

I open the file I had brought that was full of information on Deek's disappearance, and by full I meant a couple of pages of scattered information.

"When I transferred to the base I would take Monty on my morning runs on the path that runs through the forest behind the base. My second week there I thought I saw that same guy but when I went to check it out, nobody was there. This was however; I found it under some logs off the path."

I pull out pictures and put them down on the table, they are all of Deeks around LA. There were no dates and times on the pictures but they said a lot. I had three total, one was of Deeks on the beach, the second one had Deeks next to his car and the third had him at a crime screen.

They look them over and we go back and forth talking about what it means. "Mr. Hanna have you had these checked out?"

At Hetty's question I nod my head, "Yes, by that time I was in contact with a Detective Spears. I called him and he had the photos examined but couldn't find anything. Spears and Deeks knew each other from when they were kids, he called when he found out I was no longer with NCIS."

"Did you find anything else?" Kensi asks as she looks at the photo of Deeks standing at his car, "No that's all and I looked but I did find dog treats sitting on Deek's doorstep when I stopped by to get Monty some of his toys and leash."

After that we go over everything we had found by that point, which wasn't much at all. How does someone just disappear off the face of the earth and an experienced cop at that?

"Since in the last year we have found nothing I think we should start at the beginning and go over everything we know." That makes sense but I don't want to relive that moment again, the one that brought us down.

But I know we have too and it is going to be a long night, seems fitting as last year it was a long night too.

"Okay so we were working on our case when the informant and his family were killed. If it hadn't been for that we would have been in D.C. following our second best looking lead." Callen starts and that gets me thinking, what if that was the point.

Almost everything that happened kept us in LA, if it looked like we would need to follow a lead somewhere else something would happen that would keep us in town. It started off as a simple case that looked like it would be taking us to London.

Next thing we know our bad guy is killing people in LA, how did we not see it before?

"Maybe that was the point to keep us in town and Deeks where this guy wanted him?" We start throwing out ideas and going through our information when an idea strikes me.

"If I hadn't said those things to him, he never would have left the office in the first place. It was going to be an all nighter until that happened…" Eric is the ones who stops me. "Sam that wasn't your fault you were on your last leg."

I nod that's my whole point. "Yes, exactly I was tired and angry, what if this guy killed my friend and his family to get me that way. Let's face it none of us had been alone since the case started and every time Deeks went anywhere it was with Kensi."

I can see their minds working and I guess not that surprisingly it is Nell who gets in first. "Someone took Deeks and used the case to get him alone, but I don't understand why?"

Rubbing my hands on my face I feel the same way, why would someone take him and how? Without leaving a trace behind, it is a mystery. But something else had been weighing on my mind and I need someone to know the answer.

"Deeks has had a lot thrown at him over the years and I know things have been said to him. But we worked together for five years, he should have known me better than that. He should have known I thought he was so much more than a cop and that I had a lot of respect for him."

"So why did he just run like that, he is a strong guy he never would have just left. He would have continued to fight you and sulked in private, what happened? What really made him run?"

Kensi hit in right on the head, what did happen? We need to find out; I need to know where he is? But even I know every day someone is missing the greater the chance they are dead.

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Sorry it took so long to update it has been crazy, I guess you can tell it is going to be a slow build up. Hope you find it worth the wait it's going to get better or at least I think so.


	3. Danny Singer

Once again I do not own NCIA LA or the characters.

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I didn't leave Hetty's house until well after midnight and only then because I had to work in the morning. I found I really missed everyone and didn't want to leave, it felt good to work as a team again and if only for a little while.

On the ride back to the base I kept thinking about what everyone found and I wish it was enough. Between all of us, we found a lot of information but how much of it was real and valid is still up in the air.

After I told everyone about the man I thought had been watching Deeks, we shared what we all had found.

Kensi had checked out his apartment every day for two months after he disappeared. No one ever went in and nothing was moved, but after six months she had begun packing his things up to put them in storage after the team was split up, and she found some curious items.

In his closet she found a box she had never seen before, it was from a company that went out of business twenty years ago. A toy company, the box used to hold a model car but now it had pictures and documents.

She found it odd that he had this box, Deeks was too smart to leave his personal documents in a box where anyone could get ahold of them. She found a recent picture of a small child on the back the name Damon was written on the back, in someone else's hand writing.

There was a case file from when he first became a cop and a piece of paper with three names on it. She checked it out but they didn't lead anywhere and she also found some numbers on a scrape of torn paper.

"Ms. Blye , let's have Mr. Beal and Ms. Jones have a chance with those names and numbers, maybe they will be able to find something you may have missed."

Kensi gives Eric and Nell the names and numbers but who knows what they will find, they are the best after all. She tells them from memory as Callen and I look at the picture of the boy, he is blonde and young.

"Marie Johnson, Cameron Banes and Danny Singer are the names I found but I can't find anything relevant. There are a lot of people with those names but I couldn't find any connection to Deeks maybe you guys can find more."

Looking at Kensi talking to Nell and Eric I can't help but miss this, us as a team getting together and sharing information. I turn to look as Callen when I feel his eyes on me and I am struck by everything we have lost.

"What about the numbers Kensi?" Nell asks as they begin to run the names.

"It was five numbers spaced on the corner of a piece of notebook paper. 9, 17, 3, 98, and 50. I have no idea what they mean and I went through Deek's other papers and I couldn't find those numbers again."

We talk about what it could mean and come up with nothing, as Nell and Eric continue their search Callen tells us what he found abroad. "Since working at NCIS Deeks name has come up occasionally in regards to the team, but as soon as he went missing. It went silent but I can tell you if Deeks was taken it were not from a foreign force."

That tells us a lot it means that it was someone from LA that took Deeks from us. And yes, I do believe he was taken with everything in me. There is no way he would have just left Kensi or the team like that, no matter what I had said to him.

I can't stop myself from being concerned about Callen out there without me watching his back, but that is how it is now. I try and let it go as I listen to Nell and Eric tells us what they have found, but I am not really listening.

I remember months before Deeks went missing Callen and I were looking into the girlfriend of a dead marine. Kensi was at a conference Hetty insisted she go to, Deeks was waiting at the door as Callen and I were talking to the girlfriends sister.

I was so intent on the sister I didn't even see the dad come out with a shot gun already pointed at us. Luckily Deeks had and had yelled for us to get down as he tackled the dad, and we never really thanked him.

If we ever get him back I will make sure he knows how important he is to us. I was so lost in thought I didn't hear what Nell and Eric had found but going from the disappointed looks on everyone faces, I didn't miss anything.

We agree to meet again next month and I feel better about it then I did showing up to this one. It is after midnight when I finally leave, I am the first to go and I am not happy to go. I have this sinking feeling like things are about to change and I am not sure if it's for the better.

When I get back to base I take Monty out for a walk, I am so lost in thought I don't realize where we have stopped. It is the spot I thought I saw someone standing after I transferred here, I find myself looking round.

But I don't see anything new, no new foot prints or pictures; I don't know what I expected. I hear Monty whine as we continue walking and make our way back to the base. I stop outside my door and lean down to scratch behind his ears, he licks my face and I have to smile.

It has stopped raining and there is a certain calmness around the base, like the calm before a giant storm.

I call Spears at noon while I am on lunch, I can see the men outside running and I feel unsteady. This isn't where I am supposed to be and I miss NCIS but I can't go back, not yet.

"Sam? How did the meeting go?" Spear's sounds tired but curious, he reminds me so much of Deeks and I wonder how close they really were. I like to think we have become friends over the last year but I don't know how to breach the subject.

"Alright, Kensi found some items in a box that was hidden in Deeks closet it had a picture of a little boy with the name Damon on the back."

The picture was not very old and showed a happy boy sitting in the sunshine, "That's weird Deeks didn't have many children in his life. Was there anything else?"

I tell him about the names and number and the file, Eric and Nell couldn't find anything special about the case. It was an old case, a traffic accident with two cars, no one died and no one was charged. "What are the names and numbers, I may not have the equipment your friends have but I have the streets."

I smile this guy reminds me so much of Deeks, he too thought if the streets as its own information highway. Something we never really understood but it worked so we accepted it. "Marie Johnson, Cameron Banes and Danny Singer, and the numbers were 9, 17, 3, 98, and 50 we couldn't find anything to match them."

We talk for a few more minutes and I feel like we are missing something and its right in front of us. "It could mean nothing Deeks had a unique thought process but I will see what I can do."

I hang up with Spears after that and I feel very tired about the whole thing but I can't stop, not now, not when I feel like we are so close to some kind of ending. As I look back outside I find myself wishing for the day to be over.

Since I can't just sit around all day I head over to training ground to work with the marine's maybe it will get my mind off things. I just don't know how someone can disappear without a leaving a single clue, it has been eating me alive for a year.

Over the next couple of days I continue to look over all the new information that was brought in. I look over at my phone and feel a powerful need to call Callen but I know we are far from that point.

I can still feel this calm and collected sense fall over me, like I am just bidding my time. Since I can't call G just yet I call Spears, and ask him to a beer the next day.

I sleep very little that night but at the same time I feel rested and I find it unsettling, so when Spears pulls us I am numb to it all. Or at least that's how I think I should feel, Monty runs to the door when he hears approaching footsteps.

Even after a year he still does that, I noticed the first night I brought him home with me. It's like he is waiting on Marty to walk through the door and wants to be right there when he does. Still breaks my heart when I think Marty is never going to walk through the door.

"Sam."

"Spears." I shake his hand as he comes in an puts his jacket on a chair before bending down to say hi to Monty, who has grown attached to him.

"Sam, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Joel?" He smiles as he stands up taking the beer I hand him. Its true I always call him by his last name I don't know why, we stay in the kitchen area leaning against the counter.

We take a few minutes for small talk how was the game, the weather and cars, it's the same routine and I find I like that. "So I checked the streets nothing on the numbers, they could be anything or nothing but there is no connection I can find."

It's what I expected especially with what Nell and Eric didn't find the other night, "What about the names?"

"Two of them are names of kids Marty knew in foster care Cameron Banes and Marie Johnson. Banes moved to Ohio, clean guy and Marie died four years ago. Neither has children and hasn't had any contact with Marty in years."

Wow that is a lot more than we had found before, talk about the power of the streets. "And Danny Singer?"

Maybe Singer is the big break we need, I find myself having hope and I don't need that. Hope has got me nothing but whispers and pain, dramatic but that's seems to be my normal now.

"As far as I can tell, there is no Danny Singer." Man, so close.

Joel stays for the game and we agree to meet for lunch the following week, after he leaves I find I am staring at my phone. I pick up the phone to call Hetty, something I haven't done in a long time. As I scroll through the names I stop on one, Deeks.

I feel Monty bump my leg as he sits down by my feet pulling me out of my daze; taking a deep breath I call Hetty. She answers on the second ring, "Mr. Hanna?"

"Hetty, I have some information from Detective Spears." This is familiar, calling Hetty to give her information; I miss the feel of familiar. I really need to stop being all sentimental so I sit straighter in my seat.

"Really? What did he find?" I relay everything I was told as she quietly listens I can tell she is thinking it all over.

"That is interesting Mr. Hanna, perhaps you should bring the detective on the next meeting as he is an ally we should bring him in." I agree and tell her I will mention it to him the next time we speak.

When we hang up I find I am face to face with the picture I found of Marty leaning against his car, I really look at him. He is tall, shaggy and lonely, I don't know why I am thinking that but looking at him I can see it in his eyes.

Maybe that is why after five years he still hadn't become an agent, even surrounded by people he knew and trusted he still felt alone. I wish I could know what he is thinking, why he stayed with the LAPD and then I am glad I don't know.

Ignorance is bliss I guess, I am about to take a shower when my phone rings. Considering no one really calls me I am cautious when I answer, "Hanna."

"Sam, its G you got a minute?" Callen. I can hear his voice is steady but he is nervous about the call and I don't know what to do with a call from my former partner. "Sure."

"Can you meet me at the park?" I don't have to ask which park, it is the one we found ourselves at many times at the end of a hard case over the years. The two of us would sit on the hood of whatever car we drove and would watch the stars.

"Sure, is everything all right?" I am already grabbing my keys and heading out the door I decide to bring Monty with me, he shouldn't be inside all day.

"I don't know." That was…. confusing to say the least, but it was very G Callen. We hang up after that what else can you say. Monty sits happily in the seat next to me with his head out the window, which makes me smile.

I arrive at the park ten minutes later to see G standing next to his car waiting for me. I let Monty out and make my way over to G, he stands up straight as we approach. We stare at each other for a minute unsure of our next move; Monty also seems okay to just sit there.

"Okay this is stupid we were partner for close to a decade we should be able to talk to each other." I quickly look at G and find myself laughing at what he said. It is true and I find the ice that had appeared over the last year thaw, just a little.

Once again I feel that hope arise that maybe we can get back a little of what we lost. "Yeah, I guess I just don't know what to say." I admit and I find it easy to do with G.

"Then let me start, I am sorry I abandoned you after Deeks went missing. I was angry at first but then we couldn't find him and I blamed myself and I didn't know how to talk to you. Then the next thing I know Hetty is breaking up the team and I had nothing to say."

He stops and looks around before continuing, "I felt relieved like we didn't have to put up with each other anymore and then I felt ashamed and stupid. You were my team and so was Kensi but I was glad we were separating."

I know exactly how he felt because I felt the same way but G isn't finished yet and I know he needs this as much as I do.

"How could I feel relieved we were being separated after everything we had been through together, and then I went underground for a while. But when I couldn't find anything out about Deeks I was at a standstill. I didn't know if I should call or stop by and then I felt it was too late."

We are like two sides of the same coin sometimes but very different at the same time. I never thought he would want to talk to me again. "I would like us to talk again."

I would like that too and so does Monty because he then decides jump on G and licks him. I laugh as G scratches behind his ears, we turn and decide to take a walk with a unspoken agreement. As we walk I tell G everything I have learned.

We talk for an hour before I tell him I need to get back, we shake hands and go our separate ways but I feel like we have made progress. I am glad Hetty insisted we get together on the anniversary of Deeks disappearance, I feel like it is doing some good.

When I get back to the base I finally get to take my shower before I need to do some night drills with the marines under my command. As I watch them go through the course I see an old friend making his way over to me.

He has been trying to get me to go back to active duty as a Seal since I left NCIS but I can't, not until I know for sure Deeks is gone. I want to be close just in case and he knows it but he keeps trying, "I am not going to do it."

He just smiles at me as he watches the marines before turning to me, "Sam, you can't live like this forever, your country needs you. The Seals need you; I know you don't want to be here you are a man of action."

He is not wrong but I am held here by too much guilt, he shakes his head at me. He knows he can't force me after all I am retired from the Seals I am just here to train. After some less than flattering words we separate and at the end of the training session I head back to my room.

Instead of going to sleep I spend the next several hours thinking about my life now. It is not what I had expected to be doing but I can't do anything else either, Maybe I could go back to NCIS on a different team.

No I couldn't do that, there is only one team for me and it fell apart. I need some sleep, maybe it's because I am so tired but I don't see or hear my phone start to vibrate as I go into the bedroom intent on whatever sleep I can get.

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Sorry for the crappy ending but we are getting there until next time.


	4. Detective Spears Calling

I do not own NCIS LA or the characters. I want to thank everyone who left me some awesome reviews, I am glad everyone had taken to this story. Also I want to thank everyone who alert/fav also I hope this chapter is as good as the others.

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I slept for a few hours before I find myself wide awake and staring at the ceiling of my bedroom. After trying to get back to sleep for what feels like forever, I sit up rubbing my hands over my head several times.

I see Monty sleeping in the doorway and I shake my head at his choice, he had slept in the doorway the whole time I have had him. Even when I lived at my old place before I moved here, he chooses the doorway. With his head always facing the door like he wants to make sure he always has an eye on the door.

Since it would seem I am not going to go back to sleep, I might as well get up and start the day. Once I finish getting dressed Monty has decided to wake up too and waits for me by the door.

We head to the track on the other side of the base and take a long run. As we run I notice Monty really loves the run and wind and make a mental note to take him to the beach and run there. Since, living with me he doesn't go to the beach as much as he used to with Deeks.

This weekend I will make sure we go and spend the day there, maybe I can call Callen to join us. Once, I feel I have run to my limit we head back to my apartment feeling just a little better. I put some water in Monty's bowl grabbing a bottle for myself.

As I lean on the counter I hear a faint buzzing from my desk in the living room, someone must have called me after I went to bed. Walking out I go to check who it could have been calling me at the seriously late hour.

Monty follows me as I pick up my phone to see I missed a call from Spears and have several text messages too.

Call me – Joel

Answer your phone- Joel

Where are you? –Joel

That last one was sent while I was out with Monty on our run, as I look at the messages and see the two other missed calls I have a feeling of dread. In the last year Joel Spears has never called me this late and sent me messages like this.

I look at the clock and see it is a little after four in the morning but I find I don't care, if he has news on Deeks I need to know.

I listen to the ringing with a sinking feeling like I am about to get very bad news and I don't like it. I am about to hang up when Joel finally answers, "Sam?"

"Spears, what happened?" I see Monty take up position by the door as I listen to Spears tell me the reason for his call. They found a '97 Ford sitting at the parking garage that is next to the beach and it was very odd.

I don't understand what he is saying but I continue to listen, "The trunk was full of clothes for a man and the seats wear pulled out."

"Joel, I'm not understanding what this has to do with me?" I am very confused but at the same time I feel like this is a turning point for us. That the last year is coming to something and it is going to be big and different.

"In the area where the passenger seat was supposed to be is a picture of Deeks, and there is a whole lot of blood too. Mostly in the trunk on the clothes and on the backseat, I am not saying the blood belongs to Deeks but it is not looking good."

I fall into the couch when my legs fail to hold me up any longer, Monty seems to realize something is not right and comes over to me. Please don't let Deeks be dead, please he can't be dead not after all this time.

Joel is trying to get my attention and I force myself to focus, "When the officers realized the picture was of the missing Detective they called me."

That strikes me as odd, Joel isn't the lead detective on Deeks cases. "Why did they call you?"

"I have all but taken over the investigation and they know it, I have been doing all the work and everyone brings the information to me. Believe it or not Deeks had a lot of friends in the force that he didn't know about."

"So what do you know?"

I am finding it hard to concentrate but the guilt is even stronger and forces me to focus. "I am finished at the scene I am going to grab some food and come over to tell you what I got."

I agree and lean back against the couch and take a deep breath and stare looking at nothing but seeing the possibilities. I want to call Hetty or Callen and tell them what Joel told me but I know that is a bad idea, since I don't have all the facts.

Once, I finish talking to Joel and looking over what he has found I will call if it is something important. At the same time it has been almost 13 months since Deeks went missing and at this point I feel like this is someone making a point.

Maybe they killed Deeks and on the anniversary they decided to make the rest of us realize the mistakes we made, rub it in so to speak. I feel like whoever is doing this is mocking us and I will find them and whoever they are better pray Deeks isn't dead.

Or they will pay but as time has gone on I feel like we are getting nowhere. Normally, the base doesn't allow people to just come in and visit so late but as the detective has been a constant figure over the last year.

So, they let him in and don't even look twice anymore. I go to the door when he parks the car and let him in, we share a long pained look before moving to the kitchen. Sitting at the table we both look at the file he bought like it contains the future.

"The clothes were all covered in blood along with most of the backseat that was still intact. The lab is running it but so far no matches, the car is being looked over by forensics now and they will call me when they finish."

He looks me over and I find I am too caught up in my thoughts to care, taking a deep breath I nod my head. I am ready no matter what I find out I will never stop looking if he is dead then I will find his body and out him to rest with the respect he deserves.

We go over what we have found out, both of us sitting in silence for several minutes. I had held onto this hope that somewhere Deeks was alive and we would find him, sitting somewhere looking out at the waves. Stupid and completely insane but I did and we would hug him, taking him back with us, making everything better.

But I was having a dream and now looking at the evidence I can't stop myself from sinking into that hollow numb place I have been in since the team was split up. I held out hope he was alive and now that hope is mocking me and I don't like it.

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

That's what I said to him and it still eats me up, deciding that feeling sorry for myself was getting me nowhere I look up at Joel to find him looking back.

"Got something on your mind Sam?" Looking him in the eye I feel like I can see Deeks sitting in front of me. They are so alike and I once again find myself wanting to know how he knew Deeks and how well, it would keep my mind from wondering with guilt for a little while longer.

"How did you know Deeks?" He smiles at me with a sad look on his face, he looks down at Monty lost in thought.

"I met him when I joined the force; I found out quickly that he wasn't well like by the other guys. But I also found out there were many who thought he was a good cop, he showed me the ropes."

I nod that sounds about right, I just never met these cops who liked him over the five years we worked together. "When he started working with NCIS I thought that would be the end of it but I was wrong, he would still call every now and then."

"He would call and we would go out for a beer when he got back from whatever undercover OP he was working on. I remember it was always the second day he came back, something about his partner getting first dibs when he got back."

Chuckling he looks around before sitting back in his chair, "Deeks always spoke highly of you, all of you and he was right."

Right? Right about what, I can't stop myself from wondering and I want to know. I see Monty decided to sleep by the front door and my heart breaks a little, I look back and make myself focus on Joel.

"What did you mean 'he was right'?"

Grabbing another beer I lean back and prepare myself since Deeks and I were never close, I am unsure of what I will hear.

"Yeah, he said you guys were crazy but awesome too, that you didn't get that kind of loyalty and friendship anywhere. That you guys you were the family that he never had and he was glad he was working with you."

Wow, I had no idea he felt that way let alone told someone about them, I don't know what to say or where to look. Joel stares me down and sighs before rubbing a hand down the back of his neck, "Deeks had a way about him."

I nod it was true and I wish I had seen it sooner, "Did he ever mention anything else?" I find I am desperate for any kind of information about Deeks and I know why. He was the guy who loved life and was always happy but I changed that with one line.

'You are just a cop Deeks nothing more.'

"He mentioned he was offered a position as an agent." He says it slowly like he doesn't want to startle me and I breathe slowly, I found out from Hetty that she had offered Deeks the position when I spoke to her at her house.

She told us that she had offered him the job two years prior but he turned it down, stating he was a cop and couldn't turn his back on the career he spent years building even if it meant he could be pulled away for an undercover OP for the LAPD.

I had felt like a boulder had dropped on my head when she said that, as I remembered the insult I had hurdled at him when we were in the hallway at work.

That he was slacking off and he wasn't good enough to become an agent, how wrong had I been.

We were both lost in thought when Joel's phone rings startling us both out of our day dreams. "Spears."

He looks thoughtful as he listens before he tenses and looks at me with such intensity my mind automatically thinks about Deeks and I find that ray of hope making itself known.

Hanging up he takes a deep breath, "Care to take a ride?"

I nod deciding to leave Monty here as I don't know where I am going, getting in Joel's car he explains to me what the phone call was about. "The tech's searching the car removed the clothes and looked under the backseat, they found Deek's badge and gun under the backseat."

I stare at him in shock not sure of what I am hearing, his badge and gun in the car that had bloody clothes all over the inside and a picture of him where the front passenger seat should have been. This isn't making sense, what does it all mean and where is Deeks.

The agent in me starts looking at the evidence and coming to a theory that I can work off of. Someone has taken Deeks that I am sure about and I don't care if there is no evidence saying otherwise. Second, weeks following the anniversary of his disappearance after the team meet things start to happen.

Finding out about the box in Deeks apartment and the name of a man who doesn't exist and the pictures I found after moving to the base. Then today a car a lot like what Deeks had driven but not the same car found abandoned, bloody clothes and now his badge and gun.

Deeks was a good cop and had excellent skills when it came to self-defense, so if we found his badge and gun they were taken by force. My hand moves toward my phone to call G when it all comes back to me, I don't call him that much anymore.

But I will later once I have the information that I can repeat with more confidence, I see we are heading toward downtown going by Deeks old apartment. I automatically look up at the second window on the third floor, I remember it well.

After Deeks had been shot I had a major talk with him about his routine and habits, he took it to heart. But I still found myself watching his apartment a couple of times a week for a while, he did well, changing his habits to keep hidden.

When we reached the crime scene I take a long minute to look at the car, I can picture all kinds of things happening in that car. Bad things, but now is not the time to let my wonder to the deep dark places my mind was going to.

Joel steps around to the other side looking in the car before looking up at me, "That's where the picture was and his badge and gun were here." Pointing to the separate spots from his position, this seems to me to be someone making a point.

We spend hours at the scene when a thought occurs to me and I quickly find Joel talking to one of the beat cops. "Joel."

As soon as he looks at me he excuses himself from the officer, "How was his gun and badge placed exactly?" He gives me a confused and questioning look before yelling for someone to bring him the crime scene photos.

"Why do you want to know?"

"After Deeks had been working with us for about three years, we had been separated from the rest of the team for a couple of days. When we were hiding out in a cave far into the desert he told me about this old case of his."

"Old case? I don't think I am getting what you are trying to say?" The memory came rushing back to me in vivid detail like it was yesterday that it happened.

"A cop went missing the year before after a couple of months they found his body on the doorstep of his partner's house. They never found out who did it or where he has disappeared to for those two months but they suspected a gang leader."

I take a deep breath as I recall exactly what Deeks said to all those years ago. "We were doing paperwork for one of our cases when he got the call calling him back, they had found the cops badge and gun."

Joel looks thoughtful as a man hands him a pad with the pictures on it but he turns back to me first wanting to know what the point of my story was before we looked at the pictures.

"The badge had been clipped to the gun with the gun lying on the hood of the partner's car, between the car badge and gun was a web site. When went to it and found hours of video where that cop was tortured and killed."

Joel's face turns pale as he listened and I hope to whatever higher power is out there that I am not right. We both turn to the pad and find the picture we want and I was right in how they were found at least.

"The badges being clipped to the gun a lot of cops do that when they go off duty, it might not mean anything." Joel tells me still looking pale. Looking him square in the, "Or it could mean everything."

After giving me a hard look we turn toward the evidence van to retrieve the gun and badge to find out. We both stare at it before Joel takes it out of the bag and sure enough there is a web address and my heart sinks.

I turn and sit against the side of a cops car and focus on my breathing, I don't even notice it takes twenty minutes for Joel to come over. He shows me a copy of the address as he sits next to me, "The Captain agreed to let me lead on the case and bring you in as a consultant."

I nod my head and tell Joel about how the team was planning to meet and they would want to know about this, and how Hetty wanted him to come to the next one. "Call them we will watch whatever it is together."

I take another look at Joel and can't help but see how alike he is to Deeks, a man who by what is on that tape might not even be alive. But I call the Hetty anyway and she agrees to get everyone to her house within the hour.

As we walk toward Joel's car I see something stuck on his windshield, Joel pulls it out and my heart freezes as we both look around but I don't see anything standing out. Joel has a couple men check out the area but find nothing.

Looking back at the picture I see me and Joel looking back, this was taken while we were standing next to the car a few hours ago. Whoever took Deeks was here and he knows we are looking for him, and I plan to find him.

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Hope you enjoyed it.


	5. Love, Life, Death, Red

Hello again time for the next chapter, once again I do not own NCIS LA or the super awesome characters. Except Joel Spears he is mine and a thank you to everyone who has reviewed and alert/fav this story. I am glad everyone is so anxious to see what happens to the team.

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Joel and I are quiet as we drive to Hetty's house both of us lost in thought on what we have discovered. I have spent the last year in a daze from guilt and anger that cost me my team and the only family I really had.

I have realized I am not as strong as I thought I was and under the surface we were already breaking. That cracks were starting to form between us, maybe if I had seen it this wouldn't have happened. I have gone over what happened over and over again within the last year.

And now with this new development it is all starting to fall into place but I am still not sure what it all means. Someone forced me into an angry rage from my source getting killed, a man I knew very well. Whoever it was knew I would get emotional and would come to blows with Deeks, I am going to get whoever did this.

If I had been smart and stronger I would not have let us fall apart, no I would have brought us together and fought for us.

"Stop, you can't change the past and make things different." I turn and look at Joel as he drives and wonder if he had been reading my mind, which makes me smile and Joel to raise an eyebrow at me odd behavior, "I was thinking that is something Deeks would have said."

As we turn onto the highway I find I am in a talkative mood, "You remind me a lot of him, you have the same attitude about life and work. When you first showed up I didn't want anything to do with you, when I first saw you it was like I was looking at Deek's younger brother."

After a moment of silence I hear a deep sigh from the driver's seat, "That explains a lot actually."

It does? I knew I had lost my drive to be an agent but I didn't think I had lost the ability to see what was in front of me. After all I have had a long career of paying attention and seeing what others over look, but I didn't see what I was like.

"When we talked on the phone you were good sad and angry but good none the less. But when I showed up at your door you wouldn't look me in the eye and had short, closed off answers if that makes sense. Like it was hurting you just to talk to me and I always wondered why but I didn't want to bring it up."

Joel is a good guy and I am glad he's here and I tell him that as we pull onto Hetty's street. I tell him where to pull over, finding Hettys long drive way I decide to give him a heads up on everyone who will be there.

"Hetty is… uh was my boss and is the operations manager of NCIS in LA, she is a small but deadly woman. She hand-picked Deeks for the team and she never said it but she was devastated when he went missing, she spent a lot of resources looking for him."

Nodding to show he is listening I continue, "Eric and Nell are the techs, there is very little they can't find and trust me they looked. Both are calm and sincere people I think you will like them and they will find out everything they can on the address."

He pulls up behind Callen's car and I am flooded with memories once again, "Callen was my partner for a decade." I don't tell him anything else about G and I can tell he wants to ask about him but I don't give him the chance.

I don't want to talk about my partnership with Callen, the man was like a brother and now we are strangers.

I am almost to the door when I feel his hand on my arm, "What about Kensi?" I know he knows about all of us but not like he will tonight and he will need to know this stuff before we can move forward. So he doesn't waste time questioning Callen's silent thinking or Kensi's outbursts.

"She was very important to him and she hasn't taken his disappearance well either." I don't know what else to say, Deeks and Kensi were close and she never let anyone else in, especially after he never came back.

"Mr. Hanna do you plan to stand outside all night?" I see Joel looking Hetty over before deciding to get this over with.

"Hetty I presume?" He extends his hand and I can tell Hetty likes him and sees the same resemblance I saw. Before she shakes his hand and directs him inside to the others waiting anxiously inside for us. Stepping into the same room I feel the need to turn and leave, I don't want to know what's on the web address.

No, why do I insist on lying to myself, from here on I will not rest until I find him and whoever has been stalking Joel and I.

"Everyone this is Detective Joel Spears." Everyone had already made their way to us when we walked in, now they all shake hands.

"Alright let's get to what we know; Detective would you care to start?"

I could tell Joel was charmed by Hetty and a little shocked by my former team's behavior. While Hetty remained cool and calm Nell and Eric had gone very quiet typing on their laptops. Callen was seating at the end of the table giving a cold lost stare.

While Kensi was having trouble sitting still and was getting impatient, "Around 8 last night I got a call that a car was found with the front seats pulled out with bloody cloths all over the backseat and truck. With a picture of Deeks where the passenger seat should have been."

I can see everyone sit in shock as Joel goes into detail on what was found when and how. Once he finishes I tell them about the case Deeks worked for the LAPD and how I knew to look between the clipped gun and badge.

"It is indeed a interesting place to put evidence." We sit in silence for a few minutes before Kensi speaks. "I remember Deeks doing that to his badge and gun after a case one time, we went to his apartment for a movie and I saw him lock his gun up."

I don't find it surprising that they spent time together after a hard case but at the same time I feel jealous I didn't try to the same thing with him.

"It is something a lot of cops do; we learn it in the academy." That makes sense, maybe the guy who took Deeks is a cop or maybe he knew one. That thought doesn't sit well with me that a cop would do this to another cop.

I know Deeks wasn't the most well liked cop but for one of his colleagues to kidnap him is just wrong. It makes me angry to think about it, that maybe that is how it went down.

"What is the address?" Taking out a plastic bag with the address facing up he passes it to Nell and Eric who begin to trace it.

"It is not one I have ever seen before my tech guy couldn't get to it until tomorrow." I watch the tech's finger move over the keyboard at the lighting speed. We tell them about the photo on Joel's car and our search to find who managed to place it on the car.

"So someone managed to take a picture of you at the crime scene, print it off, let it dry before placing it on your care that was surrounded by cops on guard before you left."

My thoughts exactly, which only brings my thoughts back to maybe a cop is beyond this whole thing.

"All of this is making me uneasy and I don't like it, everything from Deeks disappearance to his gun and badge. And then a picture that was placed on the cop's car that was in charge of the investigation surrounded by other cops."

Kensi is right and that silent still feeling that has been following me all week is back again. I don't know what is going on but I can feel like it is coming to the end, that maybe we are finally getting a lead.

"We are still tracing the address." Eric tells us as we fall silent.

After ten minutes Eric and Nell have finally made some progress, "We have an address." I stare at them like they are crazy and I know everyone else is too. "We already knew that." I state with a sigh I didn't think they had lost their touch.

"No, I mean we have a physical address to where the web address was created and was updated from." We stare at her for a minute before Joel is out of his seat with his cell phone calling his back up, looking at the address on the screen.

"I will have units at that address in twenty minutes and as much as I want to see what is waiting to be seen on the site I need to get there as soon as possible."

"We understand please let us know what you find." He nods before moving to the door, when I remember he officially brought me in as a consultant and I am following him to the door.

"I am going with him, we will be back go ahead and watch whatever is on the site." I can see both Kensi and Callen have stiffened like they want to come but know they can't. "Go and let us know when you leave no matter the time."

I nod in understanding as I follow Joel outside, they will find out what is on the site while we find out what is at the physical address. The drive is quiet as we are both lost in thought making our way to what could hold answers.

I feel resigned like tonight is going to change everything and maybe just maybe get us a solid lead on Deeks. The one cop who managed to hold the rest of us together before my carelessness ripped him away.

As we approach the building I wonder what is going to happen next, pulling out my gun we make our way through the cops to the front door. It is a nice little house with a garden and flower curtains, I can't stop myself from feeling sick they Deeks may have been here.

We take down the door to find nothing but a single laptop sitting on a crate in the middle of the room. We begin to clear the house room by room until we reach one last door, Joel and I stood on either side as an officer kicked it in.

I swear a weaker man would have fallen to their knees and threw up at the sight that was in the room. All four walls were covered in blood and other things I can't even comment on and a body lying in the middle of the room, clearly dead.

By the looks of his body and the pool of blood underneath tells me he just died not too long ago. I know I should be upset someone is dead but I'm not because the man lying on the floor is a black haired teenager, not the thirty something blood missing detective and, I know deep down he is still out there.

Something else grabs my attention as Joel calls in the forensic teams, the name Danny Singer is written on the wall in blood.

"Joel." He stops next to me to look at the wall, there is that name again. Danny Singer was the one name on the list Kensi found that didn't exist. No credit cards, no mortgages, no apartment and no friends or family.

I take a few pictures with my phone and send them to Eric as I walk what I can of the room. Whoever, did this had a lot of rage in him, he is badly beaten on the torso and face but I am going to go out on a limb and say it was the gunshot to the back that killed him.

We spend several hours at the crime scene before we get an ID, the kids name was Elliot Ashton, and he had just turned 18 last month.

I called Hetty to tell her what we knew for Eric and Nell to run, "Come back to the house with Detective Spears we also have some new information."

The way she says it makes me want to rush out of this place back to my former team to find out what they know. By the time we get back on the road it is almost dawn and it feels like the day never ended, that it's going to keep going.

Callen meets us at the door answering my unasked question just like old times. "Kensi went to get us some food due to the fact we have been here for a while and nobody wants to cook."

"Sounds good." Joel slowly steps past Callen making eye contact and nodding his head. We gather around the table once again and I find I miss this; it reminds me of when we used to gather around the table in OPS.

A few minutes later Kensi walks in with the food which ends up sitting in the middle of the table.

We tell everyone what we found and the name Danny Singer on the wall, "I find it odd that the one name that wasn't connected to a real person is written on the wall in blood over a dead body."

"I agree with Mr. Hanna this is very odd, while both of our respective people do what they can to find the person behind this murder let's turn out attention to what else we have found."

Hetty gives us all a sad look and I can see that this is really taking a toll on her. "What did you guys find?"

There is a giant flat screen hanging on the wall with the NCIS logo, it was mocking me. "We checked the web site and found some disturbing information, the site lead us to a picture slid show. All the pictures were all of our missing detective and appeared to be taken over a year."

"There was no way to bypass it, so we watched five minutes worth of pictures all of them were from a long range lens. Then we were taken to a screen with four options on the screen, love, life, death and red."

I stare at them in confusion, that doesn't make sense, someone who takes a cop and kills a kid all the while taunting the police doesn't do something like this. Eric brings up the site on the TV and we watch the slid show.

There were some with him by himself and in others we were in them too, some were at the beach, while others had him leaving the police station. This doesn't make sense he was a cop for a long time and he worked with us, there is no way someone could take all these pictures and he not notice.

Something isn't right about this, I feel like there is a huge piece to this puzzle that we are missing. Finally after five long minutes we arrive to the options Hetty told us about. They were in the four corners of the screen, each with a picture under the option.

Love had a picture of a broken heart dripping blood that pooled underneath, while life had a picture of Monty running on the beach. Death had a picture of a kneeling man in front of a small head stone and red was the picture of a hallway that had flower petals in a trail on the floor.

That is odd and has my mind whirling around in circles, it makes me realize this is so much bigger than I thought. It doesn't make sense but we need to know what they mean, "Did you find out what they meant?"

Nell clicks on Red to show Deeks rushing out of the OPS building, time stamped for the day he disappeared. And by the way he took off it was after I had yelled at him, minutes later Kensi runs out looking for him before going back in.

My stomach drops as I watch what happened because of me, I feel a cold sweat come over me as I see the Marty Deeks for the last time.

"What else?" Joel asks as he pats my arm, I feel Callen eyes on me and I really wish he was still my partner, the one person I could talk to.

"We tired the others but they didn't work, that was all we could find…." Eric trails off as the screen changes to a countdown 9 days, 22 hours, 36 minutes and 28 seconds.

Then Deeks face appears on the screen sitting in a chair bloody and really small, he looks like he has been beaten. But the time stamp on the bottom of the screen says this was filmed three days ago, my heart soars and sinks at the same time.

"What the hell?" Kensi asks as Callen gets up and starts to pace, we finally have a lead even if it is a sickening one.

The screen changes again with Deeks leaning against the wall looking a day away from death, the countdown is now at the bottom of the screen.

The last year has finally come to a head and now we are on a deadline, looks like I need to make a couple calls. Take immediate leave from the base and have one of my buddies take Monty for a while, because I will not be home let alone sleeping.

Marty Deeks is alive and I plan to find him.

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What!? Totally just surprised myself with that one, let me know what you think. I know what I plan to happen but if anyone has any suggestions to the rescue let me know. Hope it was awesome.


	6. Life Is Knocking

I do not own the show NCIS LA or the awesome characters.

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Do you ever really get forgiven for your sins? Do you ever get to make amends for your mistakes? And find closer or some sort of happiness that lets you have some semblance of peace? Or are you forced to relive all your mistakes and have the wrongs you commented looking at you for the rest of your life?

Staring at Deeks in that room makes me sick, can I get to him? Save him and tell him how sorry I am or will I never get the chance. We make a plan to get him back, with Joel and I working the case officially, Eric and Nell would be tracking down the website and hopefully get us another address.

Callen and Kensi were going to go and look through some of Deeks things again maybe they will find something we have missed. Whoever has been stalking us and whoever took Deeks if they are even the same person may have gone there.

Hetty has the video feed of Deeks in that room connected to all over our phones alerting us if anything changes. Anything at all, from his position on the wall or if someone else enters the room, as I watch the video on my phone, I really hope we get there in time.

I'm anything but stupid but even I know what death looks like, Deeks has been missing for a year. By the looks of him it hasn't been a pleasant year, who knows how much longer he will last. Or if he does make it to the end of that countdown alive, what will happen then if we haven't found him yet? Will he be killed or will he go missing again?

The countdown now stands at 9 days 14 hours 43 min and 4 seconds. Who count seconds anyway?

I make all my calls in no time at all, taking leave from the base with no problems. Turns out I don't have to find anyone for Monty, Nell offered to take him. I could see Kensi tense when I mentioned finding someone for Monty.

I never really understood how it was I ended up with Monty, not that I mind in the least. But Kensi was Deeks partner and best friend but she didn't even put up a fight when I showed up at Deeks apartment. I had just wanted to have a look at the place when I saw Monty looking sad by the door, Kensi had turned up after that.

We talked for a minute before I went to leave we weren't really getting along by that point. She was still mad and we were just beginning our search, I stopped by the door to ask who was watching Monty.

She replied she was walking and feeding him but I could tell it was causing her a lot of pain. I offered to take him for a few days, she agreed to the week and I fully expected her to show up at my place in a week to get him. But she never did and she never mentioned it again, so here we are a year later Monty is still with me.

After we split up I find myself in a diner with food in front of me, "You need to eat man." I know I do but I don't want to, I need to get started and find a lead but Joel is right.

"Who is Elliot Ashton? And how did he end up in that room?" Good questions and who wrote the name Danny Singer on the wall in blood.

"We need to find out whom the blood belongs to and if Deeks was there at all in the last year. And get another look at the name Danny Singer, I can't stop myself from wondering if this is connected to Deeks life or was he investigating someone and got taken out for it."

Over the next few hours we make calls and track leads, Kensi and Callen don't find anything in Deeks possessions. I hear an annoying ringing sound right next to my head, when I realize it was my phone I bolt into a sitting position.

When did I fall asleep? I see Joel lying in the chair next to me as I reach for my phone to see I got a call from Hetty. I check the count down before I call back, 9 days 5 hour 9 min and 33 seconds. Time is at a crawl I feel like it's been days since it all came to a head.

"Mr. Hanna we have some new information." I throw a shoe at Joel to wake him up as I switch my phone to speaker phone. "What do you have Hetty?"

I can hear typing in the background along with a bark from Monty; I really am starting to miss that dog. "Elliot Ashton is a runaway he was last seen three years ago on a bus out of town with a friend. We can track him through three states and a bunch of odd jobs, he settled down in LA a few months ago."

"That doesn't make sense Hetty, this kid runs away of his own accord and then three years after the fact is then killed by someone who somehow managed to kidnap a skilled cop?"

"It is indeed an odd turn of events and I am still unsure how this will play into our hunt for Mr. Deeks and his kidnapper but we will find out." Why couldn't it be me who was taken Deeks is too important for this to happen. "Thanks Hetty we will let you know."

"You do that Mr. Hanna." I need a shower and some coffee, I am looking at Deeks once again on the video but he hasn't moved much. He looks like he is having trouble breathing and has a giant bruise on his side that has me concerned.

When I served over seas I saw men die with far less serious wounds, wait what is that? I take my cell phone quickly calling Kensi, "Sam?"

I wave Joel over when he leaves the bathroom pointing at the shadow on Deeks side before putting the phone back to my head and speaking to Kensi, "Kensi did Deeks have a tattoo?"

I can hear Kensi thinking it over and Joel giving me an odd look that clearly states I'm crazy. "He just got one a day or so before he went missing, he wouldn't let me see it or tell me why he got it. It was weird but I always thought I would get to ask him why but anyway I think it was on his back."

It looks like a tattoo on his back, "What do you mean weird?"

Joel takes out his own phone to look closer to the video trying to see what I saw. "He never had any before or any piercings, he said tattoos were a bad thing in his line of work. A drug dealer or fence may not remember your face but you could bet he would remember a nice tattoo."

That makes sense a good piece of ink would register in anyone's mind, if you meet again by accident you could play it off if they thought you looked familiar but a tattoo is hard to explain away. "I was looking at the video of Deeks and I saw what I thought was a tattoo, can you and Callen try and figure out where he got it?"

"It's a long shot but I'll take it, he would have paid cash, I think I know where he went I will call you back and I'll call Hetty too." We exchange a few more words before hanging up, "How did you see that?"

"I don't know how but I do know it wasn't there before." I wonder why he changed his mind and got one and why he didn't tell Kensi about it. She probably found out when she was beating him up in the gym, they were close I can't think of why he wouldn't tell her.

While Kensi and Callen check into the tattoo Joel and I head back to the crime scene where Elliot Ashton meet his end. Maybe it's nothing but I feel like this tattoo Deeks got is important somehow.

We look the crime scene over one more time maybe we can find something else, I stand in front of the wall where the name Danny Singer is on the wall still red with blood.

Red? Flower petals trail down a hallway, that's the picture that lead us to the video of Deeks letting us know he is still alive. Is it supposed to mean something or just there to make us ask questions? Is it a clue to where he is? I really don't know what to do right now, it seems the only leads we got are from the guy to has Deeks.

Wait, those flowers I have seen them before in that slide show. "Joel." I call Eric and have him get everyone on the phone, using my laptop I bring up the website telling everyone my thoughts. "In the picture labeled red the hallway was lined with flowers, I saw those same flowers in a picture of Deeks he was outside of a house."

We all watch the pictures with a great intensity to catch the picture, Eric assures me he can copy the picture so we can see it more clearly. "There, that one." The web page leaves the screen to see the picture I pointed out and it was the same flowers.

The house was nice and blue with two cars in the driveway, he was leaving the house. It was dated for three months before he went missing, you can see a house number and half of a license plate. "It's not much but I think we can find an address."

Nell's voice floats through the line telling us there plan, "Do what you can?" We discuss what it could mean, if it means anything at all. We need to move fast, "Nell if you get anything Joel and I will look into it that way in remains legal, while Kensi and Callen look into the tattoo."

"You believe the tattoo means something Mr. Hanna?" Hetty asks me in her calm and collected voice she has always had. "Yes I don't know what but it does." The next several hours are spent at the morgue, going over the evidence, talking to the cops who were at each scene.

It is slow going and it makes me finally understand what the families I have talked to over the years have felt like. We find ourselves at Joel's apartment after a while needing to regroup and take a break, not something I want to do but we can't run on fumes forever. We talk about what we know and take turns getting some sleep so we don't miss out on anything. "I didn't want to put it out there but I think it may be a cop."

I look over at Joel when he spoke not saying anything it is exactly what I was thinking too. "Me too, who else could have gotten close enough to him to actually get the drop on him, then there is the picture on your car at the crime scene."

I didn't want it to be true, for Deeks to be let down by the one organization that he devoted his life too. That kept him a cop and not the NCIS agent he should have become. For five years he worked, bleed and cried with us, and the whole time something was holding him back.

I get a text from Hetty saying be at her house in two hours, "I debriefed the department telling them what we knew and man they were outraged. Deeks was well liked and those guys are out for blood, nobody attacks one of us and gets away with it."

That had me frowning, I have never seen any cops who like Deeks, and he even talked about not having many friends in the force. We wondered why he just didn't become an agent, he always said he was a cop and it wasn't something you just left behind.

Joel sees my expression and explains, "He was liked not by everyone but by most, he fought with them like you would brothers, I know he would go out for beers with some of them. When he went missing we kept looking, every portal would be on the lookout. They would report any suspicious activity and I can tell you he was always on our minds. When something like this happens to a cop it stays with you for a long time."

This is news to me, I can remember at crime scenes they would laugh at him and be difficult when it came to the scene and information.

"He gave the impression he wasn't well liked and didn't really get along with anyone there. Hell, I didn't even know about you until he went missing, I just don't see it."

I can see him nodding before he gets up and gets a book from under the counter, taking a minute to look through it before coming to sit next to me. He had closed it so I couldn't see inside, "That's true for many years that's how it was."

He hands me the book and inside is pictures of him with other cops, smiling and having fun. I couldn't stop the thought from coming to my mind 'How did he have time to be a cop, and work with us, not to mention hang out with Kensi all the time after work, then with his cop buddies too?'

"After he started to work with you guys things changed and everyone just worked together better I guess." We sit in silence for a minute when we hear a knock on the door, putting the book back under the table we make our way to the door.

I can see a uniform standing on the other side, please tell me they didn't find him in a ditch somewhere.

"Detective Spears?" The cop asks, he is a tall guy with brown hair and green eyes, his name badge says Lawson. At Joel's nod he stands straighter, "Sir, I have some information on the disappearance of Detective Marty Deeks."

We are stunned to say the least, if he had information why is he just now coming forward. I feel angry at him and I want to hit him as I ask him why but instead we bring him in and we all sit at the table.

"I didn't realize what I had seen when saw it before until I saw it again and all this new information came to light." Joel takes out a notepad telling Lawson to continue and make sure he tells us everything.

"A week before he went missing I was going into the station when he was coming out, we stop and spoke for a moment. We said our goodbyes and I was hallway inside when I realized I forgot the report I needed in my car, we I got back out I saw him standing by his car with a picture in his hand."

That's odd, "What do you mean?" What made this stand out and what picture, Deeks never said anything to us and if he had to Kensi, she would have told us.

"It was a small picture but he was looking around like he was looking for someone, when I walked by he put the picture in his car but I thought I saw woman, no one I had seen before and it wasn't his partner form NCIS either. When I asked if he was ok he said yeah it was nothing."

A woman? That could be anybody and Deeks had a lot of woman in his life, "How did you know it wasn't his partner from NCIS?" I want to make sure that he wasn't thinking of someone else and it really was Kensi.

"I have seen her with him at crime scenes it wasn't her, the woman was tall but blonde and pale." We ask him some more questions, telling him to call if he finds out anything thing else before sending him on his way.

We follow him to the door as we have to meet Hetty anyway, "Sir, I can tell you he didn't like this picture appearing on his windshield and it looked like the picture you found on your car, long range. It was new paper I remember that but the picture itself looked old, maybe a couple of decades."

Interesting a woman he knew and a picture a couple of decades old printed on new paper. This is all becoming a giant puzzle with no corner pieces and with a bunch of the outline missing.

When we get to Hetty's I can tell something is up and we haven't even shared information yet.

Kensi and Callen go first telling us they haven't found anything with the tattoo place yet. But Kensi is working on a name and she thinks it belongs to a friend. Eric and Nell tell us they are still working on the picture to get us an address. It wasn't that they couldn't find the information it was that someone has blocked it.

"How is that even possible?" We get the long complicated explanation, "We do have some new information, the link for 'Life' began to work within the last hour."

Nell brings in up on the screen I wonder what it is as we wait once again for the slide show to end. Nell clicks on 'Life' and it shows a bunch of kids running around before flickering to Joel and Deeks sitting in a coffee shop talking.

We are shocked to say the least, Joel looks confused, "I don't understand." It zooms in and we can hear what they are saying, talking about their sports teams before Joel asking why Deeks was always wanting to meet a couple of days after he got back from a OP.

"Well, the first day is paperwork and then I would meet up with my partner, after that I'm all yours. Kensi calls first dibs and really I don't know a better way to relax then hanging with her." The video ends and the screen goes blank, Kensi has tears in her eyes and everyone is shocked.

"That was almost four years ago, has this guy been after him that long?" Joel shocks us out of our daze, this just opens a whole new realm of possibilities. I don't know what to do so I do the only thing I know and push forward with the intent to catch this guy and get Deeks back.

We tell everyone what we found out and what officer Lawson told us, what has happened to our friend that no one knew he was being watch for almost four years.

8 days 23 hours 37 minutes 58 seconds

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What is going on here? Ha ha guess we will have to find out.


	7. Friends In All Places

I do not own NCIS LA or the characters except Joel Spears he is mine.

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It takes two more days before we make any progress and to say I am shocked is the understatement of my long career. I will say it and say it to anyone who would ask, I didn't see it coming and I don't know how I didn't notice.

Now it looks so obvious and much like old news but it isn't how do I tell Joel this, Kensi isn't taking it well. I'm not sure why it is hitting her this hard really but it is and I don't know what to say to make a difference to her.

We don't even know if Deeks knew or if it is us that is discovering this information for the first time. We have meet every day since finding the site and Joel has been coming to and has become a part of the family as it were. I had been thinking about the 'life' video and it got me thinking about why the kidnapper was showing it to us and what it meant.

Now staring at the paper in my hands I know I have to talk to Joel alone before I tell the others, not that it is my choice to make.

After talking with Officer Lawson we got back to work when my idea struck and I called an old friend of mine to run some tests for me. Until then we have had nothing but information coming in to us, first Elliot Ashton was killed by a drug dealer the day before we found his body. The dealer broke into the house and the kid saw, so the guy twice his size beat him close to death before finishing him off with a bullet.

So a big fat dead end there and really what are the odds that this drug dealer would kill a kid in the house we were hours later going to be showing up at to search.

I finally saw what Joel meant when he said Deeks had a lot of friends in the force he didn't know about. The two cops who got the dealer to confess brought the information straight to us and explained it all leaving nothing out.

I remember them too, they were less than nice to Deeks before or that what is looked like to me anyway. They seemed to remember me too, one of them asked to speak with me, "I know what you are thinking but we didn't hate him."

I give him a look that clearly states I don't believe him and tell him as much, "I remember you two from a crime scene you guys didn't seem to friendly."

He takes a deep breath and begin to tell me what went down, "Deeks was well like even if he didn't know it, around that time he had taken down some dirty cops and one of them was my partner. I was mad and I know I should have been mad at my partner and myself but I wasn't."

"So some of us were mean but we got over it and made up he never had any hard feelings, I remember more than once seeing him sitting on the corner of another cops desk talking before he left. It was kind of an inside joke, who's desk would he sit on next."

I can see Deeks doing that and nod my head, "We looked for him and I saw the video off of Joel's phone and I can tell you we will get him back."

"Yes, we will." We shake hands and part, I leave feeling like things with the LAPD are about to change. I passed out on Joel's couch when he is shaking me awake a couple of hours later. By this point we are taking shifts to sleep, "Sam I think I got it, call your friends."

I look at him confused for a second before my mind catches up with me and what he wants, I call everyone for an emergency meeting. "Excellent timing Mr. Hanna we also have information for you."

An hour later we once again find ourselves sitting at Hetty's kitchen table with that horrible website up and our phones on the table with the video of Deeks and the countdown visible. "Detective would you like to go first?"

"Yes, thank you. So everyone remember that house with the flowers Sam picked out?" At our nod he takes the picture of the boy Damon and lies in on the table. "This boy Damon lived there." What? When did he find that out? No way was I asleep for that long.

"How do you know that Joel?" Kensi asks looking very tired, "I put a couple of my people on the streets looking for it, a long shot but I thought why not, they found the house and the couple living there Kenny and Linda Jenson have lived there for nine years. Their son Damon Jenson died three years ago from a drunk driver hitting him on his way home from a friend's house."

We stare at him in shock, how had he figured that all out, he explains the rest but I am a little numb and who was this kid to Deeks? "They meet Deeks at the hospital and he would check in on them every now and then. They got worried when he didn't come around for a while but they didn't know who to contact about it."

This is huge, I don't know what it means but it means something. We find no other connection to the kid or his family in Deek's life and I don't understand why he had the kid's photo in a box in his closet. When the file inside was a completely separate case which has been closed.

The drivers of the cars we two college kids new to the area and have since moved back to where they came from. "What about you guys what did you find?"

Nell starts the slide show and explains what they found or rather what was shown to them. "I had the site up like I always do when the slide show started on its own and when it came to the main scene 'life' was flashing again."

We exchange confused and worried looks, what could it mean? "So I clicked on it and it was another video of Joel and Deeks." She plays the video and it is of Deeks and Joel running on a beach I don't recognize with Monty. It looks like the same beach from the picture and they are laughing and having fun.

"That was a year before he went missing I had been shot and he was worried I was going into a depression. He put in for vacation and drove me south and watched me for a week. We ate and laughed for seven days, when we got back I felt ten times better."

Kensi seems to be thinking it over when she suddenly looks at him, "That was you, for weeks he was taking phone calls in the hall and all of a sudden had things he needed to do after work. Then he disappeared for a week I thought he was undercover."

"Yeah, he was checking up on me and I needed someone to talk to. I don't know how he managed to get off so quickly."

"Well, Detective Spears he put it in with his boss who one can only assume knew what he was doing; I will admit I had no idea. LAPD called me and said they needed him for the week, I take a lot of pride in what I do Detective but I still had no idea about you."

We all stare at Hetty in shock, how did she not know? Hetty knew everything about everyone and for her to say she didn't know about Joel is saying a lot. Deeks kept him a secret from us and I don't know why, oh who am I kidding yes, I do.

"I don't think he wanted us to know." My statement feels like a rock landed on my chest as we sit and think it over. This changes everything, if Deeks could keep a close friend who he took time off to care for from Hetty and the LAPD covered for him he is a better cop then I ever thought.

We talk some more before we get back to work, Hetty tells us as we leave we have the full backing of NCIS and LAPD in finding the last Detective. So, here I am sitting alone in my apartment looking at the paper in front of me.

My guy dropped it off twenty minutes ago and I need to talk to Joel fast, I quickly make the call. He tells me he will be right over, I check the countdown out of habit 6 days, 10 hours, 32 minutes and 16 seconds.

We have less than a week to find him and as much as I don't want to think about it I am scared we won't. That he will die in that cold and lifeless room alone tired, hungry and in pain without anyone there for him.

I can't let that happen and I make myself believe it. Joel knocks on my door before letting himself in and I am struck again at how much he and Deeks are alike.

"What's up Sam?" I look him over he is in jeans and a t-shirt with his badge clipped to his belt and gun on his side. Seeing my eyes wonder, "Going nonstop means going causal." Makes sense, now to get down to business.

"I have some information for you, I haven't told the others. I don't know how you will react I'm not even sure how I am taking it and please don't be mad at me." He nods but says nothing as he sits across from me quietly.

"I couldn't get it out of my mind how alike you and Deeks were and it wouldn't leave me alone. I didn't get as far in my career as I didn't by my ignoring my instincts, so I grabbed a beer bottle you used and had it tested."

I can tell my 'don't get mad' statement is about to be ignored so I quickly speak. "I had an old buddy from college test it for me so no one would know and I will say I think the others should be told but I will leave that up to you. Joel according to your DNA you are Deeks brother by another mother."

No one says anything for a long time and after a while I want to say something but I don't know what to say. He just looks around and gets up and starts pacing back and forth across my tiny living room. He takes the test results out of my hand and looks them over before balling them up and chucking them across the room.

I now know why he looks just like Deeks and acted the same way, why they were so close but I don't know if Deeks knew. Or if he thought he just felt protective toward the kid for being younger in a big department like the LAPD.

"Did he know?" It is the first thing he has said to me since he got here, "I don't think so." It is another twenty minutes before he speaks again. "Sorry, I was expecting that, I don't know what to do with that information. I thought we were friends but brothers that is different."

I stop him if he is anything like Deeks I need to talk some sense into him now, "He is still your friends, and you just have a brother now too. When we find him and we will you will get to know him even better." He nods and we grab our coat, there is still work to be done.

"What did you mean when you said not to get mad?" He asks as we walk into the LAPD, "If someone took my DNA to run it against someone I knew I would be mad." I tell him and he nods as we wave to some cops.

"I know you said it was my choice but I am going to tell them, they deserve to know this just got way more personal." So he told his boss and a few cops on the way out. "They will make sure everybody knows."

He is taking this really well and I find I am proud of him, when this is all over and we hopefully have Deeks back I hope we can still be friends and hang out.

"We arrive at Hetty's that night for our nightly meetings, "I have something to say before we get started." Everyone stops and looks at him, "Sam ran my DNA against Deeks and it would appear we are brothers."

That creates shock for a few minutes before it become common knowledge, I don't think he was expecting that. To us it doesn't matter it just makes you family and I miss that too. We get back to work with new knowledge in the back of our minds.

Kensi found the tattoo artist who told her the tattoo was of a couple classical lines from some old and forgotten play. He couldn't even remember the lines and we are no closer to finding out why he got them done.

We turn our attention toward the TV when Eric tells us the link for 'love' is blinking. He clicks on it and a lock comes on the screen, a combination of five number or letter code. We spend hours trying to figure it out before Callen jumps up, "Try the numbers."

"What?" But I know exactly what he means as everyone else tries to catch up, I hand Eric the number Kensi found written on a piece of paper in the box she found at his apartment. "Callen, Sam, Deeks wrote those numbers that is his hand writing, this code was done by the kidnappers."

"I know but what do we have to lose we have tried everything else." Eric puts in the code and we all hold our breath, 9, 17, 3, 98 and 50. These numbers mean something and hopeful this is it.

The numbers are accepted and the screen changes to Deeks sitting in that same room only this time tied to a chair. We all check our phones to make sure this isn't in real time that he is still leaning against that wall. It all goes from bad to worse it show all kinds of hell he was put through, I have to look away from the screen and shut my eyes when he screams.

The date on the video keeps changing until it stops on the 23rd of last month. The screen goes blank and Kensi has to leave the room that was bad, very bad. He was put through a lot I don't know how he is alive right now. But I do know I am even more determined to get him back to us and make things right.

It does however leave us in a daze for a few minutes until Monty comes into the room and turns to face the door. Then everyone moves, "Why does he do that? I have been meaning to ask you for a while."

They all stop and look at Monty, "I think he misses Deeks and is waiting for him to come back, like he wants to be ready so he faces the door so he can always tell." That is what I always thought anyway, we get back to work to find him.

We can't afford to lose any more time sitting around in a daze, "Hey guys I think I have something."

Nell brings our attention to the screen once again, "Danny Singer the name written in blood on the wall?" She nods typing fast as she explains, "I was thinking if Deeks was able to keep Joel from Hetty and Kensi maybe Danny Singer is something important to him."

Sure? Why not, but what could it mean. "I went through some of his old alias and came across the name Milton Singer."

What if it is connected? Maybe we finally got a lead. "Milton Singer, drug dealer and all that good stuff had a safety deposit box that hasn't been touched since the alias went cold five years ago." Looking at each other Deeks connected to the name Milton Singer and then has the name Danny singer written in his personal possessions.

Then that same name written in blood at a crime scene, "Get us the address I can have a warrant in a few hours." Joel tells us grabbing his phone and making the calls. This is it we are getting close I can feel it, the only link left is Death.

And that could mean anything to this guy, Deeks man stay alive. We are coming for you I promise, I will find you, we will find you no matter what.

5 days, 23 hours, 49 minutes and 11 seconds.

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Just a little shorter than the other chapters but not by much. Hope you like it I can feel the rescue coming on soon.


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